Left Brain and Right Brain Conflict Resolution
© 2026 by Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.
You are meeting Mary for the first time. She is angry about something and she is coming to you for help. She may be a new client, or a stranger, or someone from a club you both belong to. Where do you begin? Should you ask her a bunch of questions? Or should you just listen? Or should you set some ground rules from the start about whether you are the right person to help her?
When we think of conflict resolution we usually think of “issues” that need decisions: How much should an employee be paid? Where should the child live after a divorce? How much is a personal injury worth? But, as mediators, lawyers, therapists, and managers know, a conflict that needs “resolution” usually goes deeper than the issues, otherwise it would have been resolved right away. There are usually some emotional issues that also need to be resolved. This article explains ways of addressing both levels of conflict effectively and efficiently.
Why do we have these two levels of conflict? And how can we manage both of them more effectively in a world where conflict resolution skills appear to be diminishing? The answer may lie in understanding how the left hemisphere of our brain and the right hemisphere generally handle conflict differently. While I am not a brain scientist, I have read a lot and attended numerous seminars on the brain. My goal is to use this general knowledge to help us be more effective in our work and personal relationships; to give you some tips for how you might respond to Mary.
The Left Brain
Most people know that the left hemisphere of our brain tends to be where we process language, including words and details, with writing, reading, talking and listening. Researchers tell us this because they study the blood flow in the brain using “functional” MRI scans, with people lying down with their heads in a tube while they talk and listen to them and have them read and write. Generally, we are conscious of what we are thinking and talking about when we use our left brains. (Schore, 2025)
This appears to be where our knowledge of solutions to problems gained from experience generally resides, so that we can use learnings from the past to help us plan and solve new problems. Logical problem solving with step-by-step solutions tends to be a function of the left hemisphere. Our emotions when we are engaged in logical problem solving are generally mild or calm and content, as we are focused on tasks and focused on the world around us. Conflict resolution emphasizing the left brain usually involves studying problems and looking at options for solutions, while maintaining a generally curious mind.
The Right Brain
The right hemisphere of the brain tends to operate outside of our conscious awareness. This side has received less attention over the years, although a lot has been learned more recently. This is our emotional brain and our relationship brain. Some researchers say that the right brain has more neurons connected to our body, so that it is more ready to act quickly as the defensive and protective brain. Our left brain is more accurate, but takes a little longer to analyze what is going on. When quick action, survival action is needed, your right brain is on the job. This seems to be where our intense emotions operate, so when we are angry, sad, jealous, hurt, resentful, or even extremely happy, our right hemisphere is primarily engaged. It has saved your life many times, especially as a child. (Schore, 2025)
The right brain tends to study our environment and the nonverbal cues of people around us, especially other people’s facial expressions, tone of voice, hand gestures, and body language overall. So, when someone is talking we are noticing whether they may be a threat or a potential friend, whether we need to protect ourselves or can relax. All of this may be happening unconsciously. In many ways, the right brain thinks in terms of the big picture and safety, while the left brain thinks in words and small details.
Our Lower Mind
Some brain researchers have concluded that humans have the same seven emotional systems that all mammals have: fear, rage, seeking, play, lust, caring, and panic/grief (the urge to help others in distress). For non-human mammals, such as dogs and cats, these emotions often operate with a pure intensity that helps them survive. For humans, we have the same “lower mind,” but we also have a “higher mind,” which can help us manage our lower mind emotions and help us “hold our tongue” when that is a more successful way to go. (Panksepp & Biven, 2012) It seems that this may be what is operating in our right brain to protect us, but unconsciously so that we don’t always know when these emotional systems are helping us or over-reacting as pure emotions that unnecessarily shut down our logic.
Working Together
For adults, most of the time our left hemisphere is dominant and focused on logical problem solving. However, in a crisis or totally new situation, our right hemisphere takes over to protect us or address a problem for which we have no related prior experience. However, for infants and toddlers, during their first two years of life their right hemisphere is developing rapidly and their left hemisphere is mostly off-line. This means that they are highly emotional and preoccupied with their relationships with their environment. They take all their cues for how to react to a situation mostly from the nonverbal emotional cues of their parents or other caregivers.
Depending on how they grow up, children’s ability to switch back and forth between right brain emotions and left brain logic may be quite strong or quite weak. The development of the corpus callosum, the bridge between the hemispheres, is significantly affected by genetics and whether the person’s first 5-6 years were nurturing or traumatic. A traumatic childhood could cause their corpus callosum to be smaller and cause the person to have a short fuse for quick action and harder time switching back and forth between upset emotions and logical thinking. When emotions are too intense, the left brain may go off-line and be unable to help.
By adulthood, some people are more frequently upset than others in similar circumstances, and have a harder time managing their emotions. Their fear and anger may take over and be aimed at the world around them, often at the people closest to them or professionals trying to help them. This can be quite unsettling and make it hard to respond effectively. Since emotions can be contagious – and intense fear and anger can be highly contagious – we can easily be caught off-guard and make the situation worse by reacting emotionally ourselves. In reality, it doesn’t matter whether someone has a life-long pattern of being upset or if they are just upset in the moment. The same principles apply, as follows.
Start with the Right Brain
Since the right brain is the emotional and the relationship brain which can shut off logical thinking, it makes sense to start by calming your own emotions and the emotions of the person you are dealing with. To calm your own emotions, give yourself an “encouraging statement” such as: “I can handle this by staying calm.” Since emotions are contagious, your calm emotions may help the other person to calm down a bit as well.
Then give the upset person a statement showing empathy, attention, and respect. Include your own body language to communicate interest, calmness, and firmness, so that you are not threatening but also are not intimidated. With Mary at the start of this article, you could say “Mary, I see you’re upset. Tell me what’s happening then I’ll know whether I’m the right person who can help you.”
Just by acknowledging that Mary is upset (Empathy) and telling her you’ll listen (Attention), she is very likely to calm down and become more able to communicate and possibly solve a problem. Of course, doing this when your own brain feels pulled toward an emotional reaction can be tricky, but doable. It can help to practice with a friend, colleague, or professional, such as therapist, lawyer, or coach.
Then Shift to the Left Brain
Sometimes a simple EAR Statement™ that shows empathy, attention, and/or respect can calm the other person enough to start focusing on logical problem solving. If it isn’t, then other approaches include asking the person to write a list or make a proposal. It can be a list of almost anything, because the act of writing a list tends to pull them over to their left brain problem solving, since writing is a left-brain activity.
Asking the person to make a proposal may help them shift their own brain from right brain emotions to left brain thinking. This is particularly helpful when negotiating a solution to a problem with a person who becomes easily reactive and emotional. In such an emotional state, they often get stuck in the past. But thinking about a proposal forces their brain to think about the present and future, because proposals are always about future behavior.
Whole Brain Conflict Resolution
In short, professionals and everyone can be more successful in resolving conflicts by recognizing these two different automatic approaches of our human brains. It’s easy to become irritated or angry or afraid of someone who is also afraid or angry. But it is more effective to give them some empathy, attention, and/or respect, then shift to address problem solving with them.
If you have been using EAR Statements for years, now you know why they seem to help. If the goal is conflict resolution, then this brief approach can help acknowledge emotions without opening them up and then shifting over to problem solving. (If someone wants to change a pattern of emotional distress, then that is when a therapist may be able to help bring the unconscious right brain issues to the surface for resolution.)
In today’s world of short tempers and widespread criticism, its easy to argue unnecessarily with people’s emotions. But if you realize you are dealing with someone’s right brain intense negative responses, see if you can shift them with an EAR Statement over to some logical problem solving which would be more satisfying for both of you. You can also share some right brain positive emotions with yourself and the other person while you are going through the process of logical problem solving.
References:
Allan Schore, The Right Brain and the Origin of Human Nature, W.W. Norton & Company, 2025.
Jaak Panksepp and Lucy Biven, Archeology of the Mind, W.W. Norton & Company, 2012.
BILL EDDY, LCSW, Esq.is a therapist, lawyer, mediator, and the Director of Innovation for the High Conflict Institute. He is the author of the book Calming Upset People with EAR: How Statements Showing Empathy, Attention and Respect Can Quickly Defuse a Conflict. As a high conflict trainer and consultant, he helps people prepare and practice their responses to the high conflict people in their lives.
