When “I’m Fine” Is Actually an Attack
Passive aggressive behavior is one of the most frustrating dynamics to navigate—and one of the least talked about. In this episode of It’s All Your Fault, hosts Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter of the High Conflict Institute in Scottsdale, Arizona, take a deep look at a topic that came straight from the audience: what do you actually do about passive aggressive behavior?
Understanding Passive Aggressive Behavior
Passive aggressive behavior is indirect aggression—anger, resentment, and resistance expressed through sarcasm, deliberate inefficiency, the silent treatment, or simply agreeing to do something and never doing it. The defining feature is plausible deniability: the person can always claim they meant no harm. Bill reframes this clearly: passive aggressive behavior is aggressive behavior with deniability. That shift in perspective changes everything about how you respond. Bill and Megan also explore whether passive aggression is always a high conflict behavior or sometimes a conflict avoidance pattern rooted in early family dynamics—and why the distinction matters for how you approach it.
Questions We Answer in This Episode
- What is passive aggressive behavior and how is it defined?
- Is passive aggressive behavior a form of high conflict behavior, or is it conflict avoidance?
- How do you set limits on behavior that comes with built-in deniability?
- Can passive aggression be an early warning sign of a building grievance narrative?
- How does passive aggressive behavior show up differently in the workplace?
Key Takeaways
- Treat passive aggressive behavior as the aggression it is—then respond with SLIC Solutions accordingly.
- Starting with “it’s not about me” gives you the emotional footing to then set limits calmly and effectively.
- Giving people explicit permission to say they’re angry with you often eliminates the need for passive aggression entirely.
- In relationships, establish early that both people will name problems when they arise—before resentment builds.
- In the workplace, stay matter-of-fact, document impact on deliverables, and escalate to HR when needed—but don’t become the passive aggressive person’s enemy.
The tools Bill and Megan discuss in this episode—SLIC Solutions, EAR statements, the “it’s not about me” anchor—are practical, learnable, and worth adding to your conflict toolkit today.
Additional Resources
Expert Publications
Professional Development
- Conflict Influencer Class
- Managing High-Conflict Behaviour in the Workplace Training (April 23, 2026)
Connect With Us
- Visit High Conflict Institute
- Submit questions for Bill and Megan
- Browse our complete collection of books and resources in our online store—available in print and e-book formats
- Find these show notes and all past episode notes on our website
Watch this episode on YouTube!
Important Notice
Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area.