Episode 911 of It’s All Your Fault, “When Addiction and Antisocial Behavior Collide in Custody,” examines what happens when high conflict behavior, antisocial personality traits, and addiction intersect in a custody case—and what parents and courts can do when standard parenting plans fall dangerously short. Bill Eddy, LCSW, JD, and Megan Hunter, MBA, co-founders of the High Conflict Institute in Scottsdale, Arizona, walk through pattern recognition, court strategy, and relapse planning for the cases that challenge even experienced family law professionals. It’s All Your Fault is produced by TruStory FM.
The Custody Scenario Family Courts Are Least Prepared For
High conflict custody cases are hard enough on their own—but when one parent also demonstrates antisocial personality traits alongside addiction, compulsive online behavior, and a pattern of long-term deception, the usual parenting plan assumptions break down entirely. The behavior is persistent, the risk of relapse is real, and the court may not be equipped to recognize what it’s actually dealing with.
It’s All Your Fault is hosted by Bill Eddy, LCSW, JD, and Megan Hunter, MBA, co-founders of the High Conflict Institute in Scottsdale, Arizona. Bill draws on more than forty years of family court experience—including a background in alcohol and drug treatment—to walk through what courts need to hear, what parents should ask for, and how to structure a custody agreement that accounts for relapse.
Bill also notes that antisocial personality disorder is appearing more frequently in family court than ever before, partly because people with antisocial traits have figured out how to work the system. Understanding the pattern—and what to do about it—is no longer a fringe concern.
What You’ll Learn in This Episode
- Long-term deception across financial, sexual, and legal domains as a signal for antisocial personality traits
- What to say (and not say) to a family court judge
- How to build a relapse plan into a custody agreement as a court order
- Monitoring options for co-parents with substance use issues
- Why antisocial behavior requires professional—not family—supervision
- When no-contact orders do more harm than good
Key Takeaways
- Document the behavior, not the diagnosis—and ask the court for limits and consequences on specific conduct.
- Build a relapse plan into the agreement: hold period, named counselor, clear triggers.
- Supervised contact beats no-contact orders—courts extend them too long and children pay the price.
Before You Listen
A long-term pattern of deception across multiple areas—financial, sexual, legal—raises serious questions about antisocial personality traits. This is distinct from addiction alone; antisocial personality disorder has the highest overlap with addictions of any personality disorder. Understanding the difference matters because the court strategy and parenting plan need to be structured very differently than in typical high conflict custody cases.
The most effective approach is to focus on behavior, not diagnosis. Rather than telling a judge your co-parent has a personality disorder, describe the specific documented behaviors—the double life, the addiction, the boundary violations—and ask the court’s help in setting limits and imposing consequences. If a qualified professional has already made a diagnosis, that can also help inform the court that the pattern is highly resistant to change.
A relapse plan is a provision built into a marital settlement agreement—stamped as a court order—that acknowledges one parent has a substance use issue and specifies what happens if a relapse occurs. It typically allows the other parent to halt parenting time for seven days and requires the parent in question to see a pre-agreed counselor within that window. Bill used this approach regularly in family law, drawing on his background in alcohol and drug treatment, and it proved effective precisely because both parties agreed to the terms in advance.
No-contact should be extremely rare—even in serious high conflict cases, children typically need to maintain some relationship with both parents, and prolonged no-contact causes its own harm. Supervised contact is almost always the better solution. The exception would be truly extreme circumstances where a parent’s behavior creates direct, ongoing risk to the child with no realistic path to safe contact.
This is part one of a two-part conversation—next week Bill and Megan continue with more on the personality dynamics and what both parents and professionals can do. If you’re navigating a high conflict custody case that feels impossible to explain to anyone who hasn’t lived it, this episode names what you’re dealing with and gives you a concrete starting point.
Additional Resources
Expert Publications by Bill Eddy and/or Megan Hunter
- Don’t Alienate the Kids
- BIFF for CoParent Communication
- Calming Upset People with EAR
- The High Conflict CoParenting Survival Guide
Classes and Consultation for Parents in Divorce
- New Ways for Families® Class + Coaching for Parents in high-conflict cases
- Conflict Influencer® Class to learn skills for high-conflict situations
- 1:1 Consultation with Bill Eddy (legal) and Megan Hunter (everything else)
Professional Development & Custom Training
Listen Next
If the antisocial personality discussion resonated, The Antisocial Personality (Ep 507) is the foundational episode on this type—what drives the behavior, how it presents, and why it differs from other high conflict patterns.
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Important Notice
Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area.