Trump-Putin Bromance Ends?
Trump-Putin Bromance Ends? © 2016 By Bill Eddy
The nation was shocked. Less than six months after taking office, President Trump was at war with Vladimir Putin’s Russia. He apparently had not been paying attention to Putin’s efforts to make Russia great again over the past decade, as he moved to reclaim the countries that had once been part of the Soviet Union.
He viewed Putin’s annexation of Crimea during Barack Obama’s presidency as simply a demonstration of Obama’s weakness and Putin’s strong leadership. He identified with Putin and felt that he could make deals with him, much as President George W. Bush had believed that Putin was “someone I can trust” based on looking deep into the Russian leaders eyes.
So when the Russian army and tanks quickly invaded the entire nation of the Ukraine in early August 2017, President Trump was momentarily stunned. “I thought we had a deal,” he exclaimed when he heard the news. But this is often how bromances end with high-conflict leaders. Not with a whimper, but with a bang! Then he realized this was the ultimate insult to him, President Trump, the leader of the free world.
Without a moment’s hesitation, he dropped a nuclear bomb on Moscow. Of course, it was just one nuclear weapon, which would not destroy the entire city—just the main government buildings. They were ugly anyway. “This will teach him once and for all not to mess with Donald Trump!” Many Americans cheered him for his decisiveness and confidence in dropping his “beautiful bomb,” as he termed it.
Unfortunately, Vladimir Putin was much more of a planner and had completely anticipated Trump’s impulsive response. Putin made sure that he and his entire administration were well-hidden far from Moscow when the Ukraine invasion occurred. By bombing Moscow, Trump had actually rid Russia of all the members of its meddlesome parliament, freeing Putin to complete his political takeover of the nation.
Also, as part of his plan, exactly 24 hours after Trump bombed Moscow, Putin dropped several nuclear bombs on Paris, the architectural beauty that even Hitler had spared from bombing in World War II. Putin knew that the Americans and the French had always treated each other as family since the Revolutionary War. He announced to the Russian people that under the Trump Doctrine, he was allowed to kill family members of terrorists.
President Trump then called an emergency joint session of the Senate and House of Representatives. He pleaded with them to give him all of their legislative authority so that he could quickly pass laws and impose measures to secure the nation. However, someone shouted out: “That’s exactly what Hitler did in 1933! They actually voted to give Hitler all their parliamentary powers. We’ve got to do something!” The Republican-dominated Senate then voted to censure Trump, with a 99 to 1 vote, the same number as voted to censure Republican Senator Joe McCarthy 60 years earlier, ending the rein of McCarthyism.
The Republican-dominated House of Representatives, led by a repentant Speaker, Paul Ryan, then voted immediately to impeach President Trump. But Trump tweeted the nation that this was completely unfair, after all “Putin started it” by invading the Ukraine. But before the Senate could hold hearings to actually remove the President if he was found guilty, Senator Ted Cruz stepped forward: “There’s no time for the full constitutional process of holding hearings to determine his guilt or innocence. Instead, the only meaningful power we have is to immediately vote to de-fund the entire federal government, so that he has no ability to impulsively drop another nuclear bomb. I know how to do this!”
Meanwhile, in North Korea, Kim Jong-un smiled as he re-read President Trump’s recent announcement that South Korea was on its own. “It’s time,” he chuckled to himself.
Bill Eddy is a lawyer, mediator and therapist, and the author of the new book Trump Bubbles: The Dramatic Rise and Fall of High-Conflict Politicians.