Excerpt: Reacting to Blamespeak

© 2012 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.

[Excerpted from B.I.F.F. Quick Responses to High Conflict People, Hostile Emails, Vicious Rumors, and Personal Attacks]

Many people initially react to Blamespeak with Blamespeak of their own - even people who do not have high-conflict personalities. Such counter attacks are a normal human response to the unrestrained aggressive behavior of others. Your counter attack might even be true. But pointing it out to an HCP won’t change anything. For example:

“YOU’RE the one who’s stupid, crazy and unethical! Let me tell you what’s really…”

“Look in the mirror, buddy! Here’s what you’ll see…”

“You’re an idiot if you think I’m going to respond to your long-winded and incoherent remarks!”

“If you don’t do something about this problem, I’m going to expose your illegal, fraudulent and unethical behavior to everyone! First of all, …”

“You have no clue what you are talking about and should just shut up! I’ll tell you …”

Such counter Blamespeak not only doesn’t work; it also makes you look like an HCP to those outside the situation. Then, the HCP uses your reaction to justify a new round of Blamespeak, and on and on. The key is to not over-react, but to respond quickly with a B.I.F.F. response to Blamespeak. Or not to respond at all, which is often the best idea.

The rest of this book tells you when to respond to Blamespeak – or any frustrating behavior – and how to do a B.I.F.F. Response.

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Bill Eddy is a lawyer, therapist, and mediator. He is the co-founder and Training Director of the High Conflict Institute, a training and consultation firm that trains professionals to deal with high conflict people and situations. He is the author of several books and methods for handling high conflict personalities and high conflict disputes with the most difficult people.