Excerpt: Reacting to Blamespeak
By Bill Eddy, Attorney, Mediator and Therapist
Many people initially react to Blamespeak with Blamespeak of their own - even people who do not have high-conflict personalities. Such counter attacks are a normal human response to the unrestrained aggressive behavior of others. Your counter attack might even be true. But pointing it out to an HCP won’t change anything. For example:
“YOU’RE the one who’s stupid, crazy and unethical! Let me tell you what’s really…”
“Look in the mirror, buddy! Here’s what you’ll see…”
“You’re an idiot if you think I’m going to respond to your long-winded and incoherent remarks!”
“If you don’t do something about this problem, I’m going to expose your illegal, fraudulent and unethical behavior to everyone! First of all, …”
“You have no clue what you are talking about and should just shut up! I’ll tell you …”
Such counter Blamespeak not only doesn’t work; it also makes you look like an HCP to those outside the situation. Then, the HCP uses your reaction to justify a new round of Blamespeak, and on and on. The key is to not over-react, but to respond quickly with a B.I.F.F. response to Blamespeak. Or not to respond at all, which is often the best idea.
The rest of this book tells you when to respond to Blamespeak – or any frustrating behavior – and how to do a B.I.F.F. Response.
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High Conflict Institute provides training and consultations, as well and books, DVDs and CDs regarding dealing with High Conflict People (HCPs) in legal, workplace, educational, and healthcare disputes. Bill Eddy is the President of the High Conflict Institute and the author of It’s All Your Fault!, Splitting, BIFF: Quick Responses to High Conflict People, Their Hostile Emails, Personal Attacks and Social Media Meltdowns and Don’t Alienate the Kids!. He is an author, attorney, mediator, and therapist. Bill has presented seminars to attorneys, judges, mediators, ombudspersons, human resource professionals, employee assistance professionals, managers, and administrators in 25 states, several provinces in Canada, France, Sweden, and Australia. For more information about High Conflict Institute, our seminars and consultations, Bill Eddy or to purchase a book, CD or DVD, visit: http://www.HighConflictInstitute.com