Dealing with High Conflict People Tip #2 Part A

© 2011 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.

We try to give practical advice whenever we can. From our It's All Your Fault Book, I've included part of Tip #2 here (I'll add the other part--its rather long--next week). We hope you find this helpful.

In terms of giving feedback to an HCP, our advice is to never give them negative feed back. Here's why, the cycle of high conflict thinking maintains and escalates conflict with three steps (two steps are here):

1. The Cycle of High Conflict Thinking maintains and escalates conflict with three


Step 1: The HCP’s Mistaken Assessment of Danger (M.A.D.)

Step 2: The HCP’s Behavior that’s Aggressively Defensive (B.A.D.)

Step 3: Your Negative Feedback (N.F.)

2. HCPs’ Mistaken Assessment of Danger is based on their frequent high-conflict

thinking, which everyone has occasionally. But HCPs believe these thoughts are

true and act on them without checking for accuracy, including:

• All-or-Nothing Thinking

• Jumping to Conclusions

• Personalization

• Emotional Reasoning

• Mind Reading

• Wishful Thinking

• Tunnel Vision

• Exaggerated Fears

• Projecting

• Splitting

We'd love to hear your feedback.

Have you ever had to deal with a High Conflict Person at Work?

Or in business? You know the type. The person who always has an excuse and blames everyone else. The very aggressive or super emotional co-worker or boss. May be you were married to a HCP and had a very contentious divorce and child custody battle. If so, I want to hear from you. Tell me your experience and how you handled the HCPs.

Bill Eddy is a lawyer, therapist, and mediator. He is the co-founder and Training Director of the High Conflict Institute, a training and consultation firm that trains professionals to deal with high conflict people and situations. He is the author of several books and methods for handling high conflict personalities and high conflict disputes with the most difficult people.