Resources for Individuals & Families
Are you engaged in a difficult co-parenting relationship? Or in the middle of a divorce or custody dispute?
We can help you learn skills to disengage from the conflict, which allows you to set boundaries and better communicate with your co-parent.
Do you hate going to work because that one difficult colleague, manager or employee is draining all your energy?
We can help you learn skills to remain calm, set professional boundaries and maintain your credibility at work.
Does your job require you to work closely with the general public?
If so, you have probably encountered a high conflict customer or client. It can be difficult to help a high conflict person who lets blaming behaviors and irrational thought patterns interfere with logical decision making and engagement in services. We can help you learn skills to calm a high conflict person so they are better able to engage in meaningful decision making with you.
Who are High Conflict People?
High-conflict people (HCPs) have a pattern of high-conflict behavior that increases conflict rather than reducing or resolving it. This pattern usually happens over and over again in many different situations with many different people. The issue that seems in conflict at the time is not what is increasing the conflict. The “issue” is not the issue. With HCPs the high-conflict pattern of behavior is the issue, including a lot of:
- All-or-nothing thinking
- Unmanaged emotions
- Extreme behaviors
- Blaming others
Schedule a Consultation
We provide individual consultation and resources for individuals dealing with a high conflict person, whether in divorce, family, workplace, healthcare, higher education, government agencies, volunteer organizations, your neighborhood or any setting. Your consultant will discuss your situation and suggest general approaches that you may want to consider.
Contact us at firstname.lastname@example.org or 619.221.9108 to schedule.
Purchase a Book
Our books provide practical tips and tools for dealing with the high conflict people in your life – in any type of relationship.
Don’t have time to read? We have 20-60 minute videos on specific skills and techniques for dealing with high conflict people.
Calming Upset People with E.A.R.
A perfect complement to giving and understanding BIFF responses. This 60-minute video explains how to give an E.A.R. Statement – communicating Empathy, Attention and Respect – when dealing in-person with an angry, blaming or agitated person. The brain science behind the method is explained, as well as ways to deliver an E.A.R. Statement, issues to avoid and nonverbal behavior you can use. This video includes practice scenarios with an angry client in a divorce and in the workplace, with examples of E.A.R. Statements. (PowerPoint Handout available to purchasers upon request to email@example.com.) See Online Access Instructions for Videos
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R U Talkin’ to the Wrong Brain?
We have two brains when it comes to conflict - one that’s smart for logical problem-solving and the other that’s fast in a crisis but not so smart. In this fascinating video, Bill Eddy explains how you can choose which brain you will use, and how to influence the way an upset person’s brain will respond to you. Learn why some people just don’t get it and how you can learn to “talk to the right brain” in order to have a productive conversation with a high conflict person. (PowerPoint Handout available to purchasers upon request to firstname.lastname@example.org.) See Online Access Instructions for Videos
Video Training FREE Video Preview
BIFF Response Method
Angry emails? Hostile Texts? Social Media Bullying? We can help! Learn how to respond to these types of attacks, or when to ignore them entirely. A response that is Brief, Informative, Friendly and Firm, reduces the level of hostility, sets boundaries and changes the tone of the conversation. Often high conflict people will follow your lead and learning these skills will help you feel more in control.
We offer books, free articles, personal consultations, video training and more.
New Ways for Families in Separation and Divorce
New Ways for Families is a short-term structured parenting skills method to reduce the impact of conflict on the children in potentially high conflict divorce and separation cases. This method emphasizes strengthening skills for positive future behavior while focusing on how you can help your child through this difficult time.
This program teaches practical skills for remaining calm while managing a difficult co-parent. These skills will help you even if your co-parent exhibits high conflict behavior. Visit our website for more information about the program and to find a New Ways professional in your area.